the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
