i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
