Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
