well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize