Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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