you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
