i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
