It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize