As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
