i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
