I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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