and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
