if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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