please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
