i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
