Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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