STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
