Princesses don't give blow jobs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
