Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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