Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
