i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
