I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
