So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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