Your tits are I can't wait for
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
