the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
