You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found your dick twin last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
