You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Say something about gay babies.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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