i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was born a porn star she said
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
