she sounds like chewbacca in bed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
