I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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