Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
