john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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