Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
