whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
