i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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