that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
