so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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