"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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