Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize