I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
