You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
