New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
