you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
