There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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