:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
