Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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