what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
