he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize