Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
