super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize