the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
