Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
