All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
