I must be too annoying 4 u.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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