then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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