Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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