he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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