tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
