if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
