Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
