the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
